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I don't know about you folks and your hometowns, but here in my hometown we've got this little organization called the United Way. Usually they're up to all sorts of good--helping the less fortunate in myriad ways, but recently they are playing on people's sympathy and good nature during the Christmas season.
You see, they've got this event that they like to call "Sub for Santa"--which couldn't be more transparent. I mean really, is there anyone out there who is less needy than Santa Claus? The man has it all--what business does he have monopolizing the efforts of the United Way to get himself a sub?
And, okay, United Way, I was on board when you were giving out wheelchairs to disadvantaged handicapped people, and providing clothing and shelter for the destitute and poverty stricken, but I had to draw the line at this. I'm sorry, but I just can't take part in this act of "charity" for a man who doesn't even need your help--he's already got a flying sleigh and a team of magical reindeer; it's not as though the timing belt snapped on his Dodge Dart or something.
And anyway, if Santa Claus really needed a sub all that badly, how come he doesn't just get his elves to make him one?
Let's think a little bit here before we jump on to this bandwagon, America.